u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
