the day after is always just damage control
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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