what day is it and did you see me today?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
