genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
why do cheetos always look like penises
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
