do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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