me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize