My liver just broke up with me...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I looked at my own cervix.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize