xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
