my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
