Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
