Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
