found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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