i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
