WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
