I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
