Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
