i don't like sucking hair
operation harelip BJ is a go
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
