Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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