i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
