broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
