thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
