that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
