Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
