Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You're my little dorito
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
