Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
