Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
