did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
