I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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