Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
