ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
