is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
