someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
