I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
