im holly from the hills drunk
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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