its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
