and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize