This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
