I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
