just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
