well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
