I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize