evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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