The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
