Your tits are I can't wait for
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
