I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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