totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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