wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
