hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize