I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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