I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
