what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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