Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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