Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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