i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
