Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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