You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
