The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
