She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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