Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
wow bdsm is so cute
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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