every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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