you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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