I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
