i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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