He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
