he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
