we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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