the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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