It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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