Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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